Henry Noble  WEBSITE IS A WORK IN PROGRESS - PARTIALLY COMPLETE

         MY CREED -  MY LIFE LESSONS

I hold a number of beliefs, some of which have been repudiated by the liveliest intellects of our time .... but I am nonetheless persuaded otherwise.

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​Your eulogy, if honest, matters, your resume, typically a carefully selected subset of exaggerated claims,  matters not a whit!

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I believe that our natural state is that fear both drives us and prevents us, while hope is what sustains us.  Happiness is achieved when hope drives us , fear is vanquished and we stop looking to others for approval but learn our own worth. Sadly, it is extremely rarely accomplished.. 

    I believe that order is better than chaos, creation better than destruction.

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I believe that interdependence is healthier and more satisfying than independence. The caveat is that interdependence with insecure others is mutually toxic so we must choose with whom we are interdependent.  Many, perhaps most, marriages run afoul of this verity.

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  I believe pride with humility is not an oxymoron. Boasting is the sin.. not justifiable pride. If we don’t believe in ourselves, how can we expect others to ?

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I believe that the road to hell is paved with unrealistic expectations. Worse still we all do it ! We convert our hopes into unjustifiable expectations.    When expectations don't materialize we get hurt; and worse still.... human nature requires us to assign blame  .. either beating up on ourselves, or assigning the blame to the  other party.... or both, often involving family and friends in a feeding frenzy of mutually destructive vitriol.

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On the other hand hope in life is essential.  The opposite is despair which, at it's  worst, creates suicidal thoughts.  If our hopes don't come out as desired we only feel disappointment. Not wonderful but a vastly different outcome than if we had created an expectation.

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The most preposterous example is "until death do us part"  solemnly promised in front of witnesses and, for some, to God. To "hope" for that is essential; but to "expect" it a recipe for emotional disaster for most, but thankfully not all of us. The average length of marriages in the U.S. is 8.2 years and in Canada 13.7.    If one marries at age 20 for some good, bad or indifferent reason and "expect" it to last to age 100  is insane. Yet we do it, often twice or more. Because we created it as an "expectation" worse still a promise, rather than what it really is, a hope...  we see the end as a "failure" rather than what it is..  an ending.   "Failure" necessitates finding a cause and laying blame resulting in hideous destructive and costly divorce wars.  I counsel folks that it is just an ending, a natural and highly likely result so stop with the mutually destructive blame game, learn from the experience and move on to new horizons.

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Half of marriages and committed relationships end. Most of the rest have devolved into managing irritations in a platonic or semi-platonic relationship held together either because neither party has the courage to end it or for financial, family, religious, cultural or embarrassment etc reasons. Expectations, as distinct from hope, should be set accordingly.

 

I believe that collaboration  invariably creates better solutions and knowledge advancement than competition.  Nowhere is this more elf evident than in team sports; the prima donna versus the team player. The  exceptions are individual sports  and the commercial/business sector. Competition in business is vital as without it product development withers, customer support perishes, quality deteriorates and the customer is but a hapless  pawn to be fleeced.

 

I prefer gentleness to violence, forgiveness to vendetta.

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I believe that social media as currently implemented  will destroy freedom of speech in the name of freedom of speech

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My definition of self delusion is to assume that what is, will be.
It most assuredly won’t.

This collective executive characteristic, coupled with the predisposition for all of us chimpanzee descendants to associate with mutually reinforcing like minded people, cowardice and creeping complacency, not the oft blamed technology,  is why the half life of corporations is about 50 years,
 and institutions about 100, and lessening.

You can lead the times, or be trampled by them, but myopically thinking that you can ride with the times is not an option as it amounts to standing still. The times will most assuredly  pass you by as they relentlessly and restlessly churn and destroy all the highly revered creations and beliefs of man in their inexorable death inevitably following life quest for new beginnings.

What is, is temporal.   What will be, the challenge! 

The trends, for those with a sufficiently wide angled lens to assimilate them, and whose lens is not clouded by the present, hold the key! 

Lateral thinking is a hallmark of creativity, linear of yesterdays news.
Complacency is not a successful option

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I believe that much" humour" is innately cruel. We laugh at someone or some group. We do so as we  wish to feel superior to them to allow ourselves to lie to ourselves about who we, or our tribe, are  in the face of our insecurities. The most lethal form is ridicule which, when objected to by the recipient is double downed with the retort "Can't you take a joke?"  True humour laughs at ourselves or our group and hurts noone but can trigger enlightenment.  British humour tends to be witty and of the latter category. North American tends to the former with a few wonderful exceptions.  One wonders if this is characteristic of a young society... but I digress... 

    I believe that knowledge is preferable to ignorance, and I am sure that human empathy is a better God than ideology.

 

I am persuaded that in spite of the recent triumphs of science, men, as the arbiters of our, and our planets, future, haven't changed much in the last two thousand years; and, in consequence thereof, we must endeavour to learn from history; but be ever mindful of the often beguiling trap that it is usually written by the victors.

    I believe that we learn far more from those with opposing views than those with whom we are in concert.  The natural human tendency to join like minded groups...de facto subcultures ... provides a sense of belonging and synergistically reinforcing togetherness. It substitutes lazy groupthink for tough minded evidence based thought. It can be the siren call dog whistle mutually justifying ideas, prejudices and beliefs whilst sacrificing enlightenment and truth on the altar of belonging...... thereby fostering a we versus they landscape with overtones of superiority on the one hand and distrust, disdain, labeling and stereotyping on the other..... usually followed by verbal, emotional or even  physical violence.

 

I believe that if we fail in a communication it is not the fault of the recipient, but rather ourselves. Yet we  get frustrated and angry and think the recipient stupid. We initiated and crafted the communication, not the recipient!   We control of the timing, content, body language, tone of voice, implied attitude, volum e, explicit and implicit message and for understanding our audience and where they are at in the instant,  recognize our agenda and theirs. Sadly our predisposition is to blame the recipient for our failure and often try to shout it into their comprehension.  The foundation of many a family or marriage squabble.

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I believe that returning anger or criticism in kind generates more heat than light. We cease listening and mentally prepare our next hand grenade to toss over the wall when our audience stops speaking.  I believe that speaking slowly, lowering our voice and summarizing back the message and learning what each of our agenda is will advance understanding but not necessarily agreement... and that is the best we can expect. 

 

I believe that education can be either stifling or expanding or both so we must be mindful. It is a form of thought control and transference of an external database of values opinions, emotions,  ideas and knowledge into ours and the subsequent internalizing it as if our own.. The truth of others is adopted as ours and tends to thereafter repel any ideas, values, attitudes or knowledge at variance.  Thus we must be tough minded in our acceptance regardless of the reputation of the dispenser of the knowledge.

 

Some things can only be taught through experience. Try to learn to ride a bike  from a book or video or lecture. You have to experience it. Yet when you have mastered it you have it for life stored in the subconscious. We undervalue the experience of others at our peril. Experience by its nature increases with age. and, in the case of some, wisdom as well. 

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Knowledge, like fashion, is temporal and has its fads and fancies. Todays' truth  becomes tomorrows discard or morphs into a stepping stone in man's quest to know the unknowable.  As the poem Ulyssaes opines "all experience is an arch wherethro' gleams the untravelled world.." i.e.:  the closer you get to an arch the more that comes into view on the other side.  Similarly, we must excise our arrogance of greater knowledge than others and accept that the more we know the more we realize we don't know.  Gaining knowledge should be humbling, never a justification for elitism.

 

The hardest place to get traction for a new  idea is a university. The more it is in conflict with prevailing thought the greater the difficulty.  Breakthrough ideas can take years to gain acceptance. They invariably challenge the work of at least one professor whose research grants, prestige, and livelihood is based on her, or his, writings.  Most , but thankfully for all of us, not all; will attack and ridicule mercilessly opposing thoughts or new ones that they wish had occurred to them.   Proponents of new ideas need to understand this counter-intuitive reality about centres of learning if they are to succeed and seek out those few broad and deep thinking academics whose self esteem allows them to embrace other viewpoints..

  
    I believe that human greatness should be measured not so much by accomplishment than by the beauty of the inner soul. Greatness, as distinct from accomplishment, is not about power, fame or money leading to statues for the dogs to urinate upon; but in the souls of all those lives that we touch; such that warm fuzzies of reminiscences of acceptance, validation and selfless caring is our earned obituary.

    I believe that the validity of an assertion is inversely proportional to the decibels accompanying the proclamation thereof. The more animated I am in defense of my beliefs the more likely they are on shaky ground. A most inconvenient self-discovery, but it appears to be universal, so I take some comfort.

    I believe that the highest calling of the human condition is to evolve into internalizing a highly evolved, radiantly beautiful, authentic soul.  It saddens me that it is so rare.  Achieving that priceless state of self acceptance takes perspicacity, courage and perseverance against the inevitable withering headwinds of the slings and arrows and vicissitudes of our life journey. If you cannot share your soul with yourself you are incapable of sharing it with others.

    I believe that most decisions and actions are the result of either trying to look good to others (as a replacement for self acceptance and thusly self defeating) ... or ... fear (of failure, of loss, of infidelity, of acceptance, etc,) and that we must strive to change that into acceptance of self and others and believe in our ability to achieve and choose to make a positive difference.

    I believe we must stand up for democracy and for a principled approach even if it causes us personal harm or criticism. Cowardice, inaction and appeasement are an enabling catalyst for tyranny.. be it in the home, the workplace or the nation. History tells us repeatedly that many tyrannical despots have skillfully  turned democracies into dictatorships despite the possibility of such an eventuality having been universally seen as preposterous. It usually takes years.  As Tito, the architect of Fascism  astutely taught.: to win power you pluck a chicken gradually , one feather at a time. It doesn't worry about the loss of a feather but eventually it has lost all it's feathers and can't survive. Sound familiar?

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  Fear, intimidation and control of, or diminution of the press reinforced by favours can, in the hands of a skilled orator create a public feeding frenzy that eventually turns violent based on lies, half truths, slander and threats. 

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 I believe that political correctness is the abrogation of freedom of speech and that it stifles honest debate. It provides a convenient self righteous cover for those that propagate the tyranny of some minorities.

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I believe in the genius of certain individuals, and I value a society that makes their existence possible.

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I believe that democracy is waning given that overwhelmingly the citizenry of all western democracies do not trust their elected leaders nor believe that the citizens needs are their priority.  Democracy is a simple but fragile concept that is both counter-intuitive and opposite to human nature in general. The citizens voluntarily give up some rights and some wealth on the implicit understanding that it will be used for the greater good of all. It is an selfishly unselfish idea.  The counterbalance is the right to vote giving the governed the periodic opportunity to remove their governors.  What is equally critical but less widely contemplated is that exercising the vote requires an informed electorate. Misinformed electorates can elect leaders who destroy the institution. A tragic historical lesson. 

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I observe that in order to get elected in Western democracies it is necessary to misinform, slander, obfuscate, mislead, omit inconvenient facts, vilify the intellect and motives of opponents and ridicule them,  create political cults (parties) and create fear of the opposing parties. The Achilles heel of democracy is that these activities are necessary to get elected  on the one hand while there is absolutely  no punishment nor downside for so doing.  Hence an "informed public" has given way to misinformed cults in western democracies and the vote is thus up for grabs by unfounded histrionics, lies and slander by those whose power and/or wealth will be affected by the electoral result, Human greed, and desire for power motivates whilst they employ social media to amplify their propaganda. 

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The greatest risk to democracy is not from without.. but from within.  

 

If democracy is to be saved the concept of free speech must no longer be seen as the right to lie, slander, misrepresent and mislead while simultaneously we must respect Voltaire's ethic "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it". A difficult task to legislate to be sure, but far from impossible. If we do not we will all lose that right to express our beliefs and only trumpet the acceptable words of the autocrat in power. We risk losing freedom of speech on the altar of blindly defending it. We tell our kids not to lie and it has consequences for them when they do. Yet, by our actions, we reward it in our leaders by electing those who are the most skilled in manipulating and stirring  human emotions.. not by truth but by inflammatory hyperbole and misinformation creating cheering crowds.

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    I believe in courtesy, the ritual by which we avoid hurting other people's feelings by satisfying our own egos, frustration or anger.

    I believe we do a disservice if we tell people only what they want to hear, devoid of any inconvenient truths,  but recognize that this is only of value if delivered in a manner, time and place such that they can receive it, and that never feels judgmental nor uses the word “should” or equivalent prose.

    I believe that in living in one of the freest and most democratic regimens on the planet that our freedoms and rights also come with responsibilities and accountability in equal measure... the sadly missing third leg that needs to be ensconced in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

    I believe that truly great people do not seek the limelight as the limelight most assuredly will eventually seek them.

    I think we should remember that we are part of a great whole, which for convenience we call nature. All living things are our brothers and sisters.

        I believe professions of  “love” is not love but selfish control if it is accompanied either implicitly or explicitly by “buts”... That Is.. I ove you but you should do or not do this or that, require my permission, etc.  True Love is . unconditional. Most professions of love are conditional with overlays of ownership, control and a lot of "shoulding". 

 

Love and intimacy require the investment of lots of 100% dedicated together time devoid of distractions of work, family.kids, TV, cellphone .etc. . entering the quiet space of each others being hitting the  mute button on the cacaphony of the minds relentless churnings of the people and events of the outer world.  When your thoughts, however briefly, switch to the world outside the intimacy is broken and must be reestablished, if possible. Sadly few couples understand this....  and even fewer act accordingly. The price? Divorce, loneliness, tension, sexual frustration, emptiness, shattered dreams and much more.

    I believe that men can learn self-sacrifice, integrity and sense of responsibility by observing women.  Single moms sacrifice their life, their love life, and often work two jobs to bring up their children. Men abandon and move on; women struggle with the aftermath.  Yes, there are some laudable single fathers; but they are very much a minority.

 

    I believe that most men, but thankfully not all, are total failures as lovers as they either don’t know, or don’t care, that women are multi-orgasmic and do not ensure that they totally develop and fulfil their partners potential for cascading orgasms in each session and playfully and attentively pleasure her and enjoy the journey and the wonderful intimacy cuddling in the afterglow.

    I believe that a life without authenticity and intimacy with a soulmate lover is a barren life.  Success or failure in this universal quest for acceptance and companionship is determined by the tenacity, effort, risks and choices undertaken by us, and those close to us.  Hence, collectively, not individually, we are the authors of our destiny.
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My personal mission in life is to try to use whatever gifts I may have to make a difference in peoples lives and so conduct myself as to help all with whom I come in contact to learn to accept themselves, rejoice in their magnificence, and celebrate their uniqueness. I wish I could report that I have lived up to that mission at all times but ashamedly I have not.

However, those who know me are magnanimous enough to ignore my failures, and remind me of my successes and hence shield me in my moments of self doubt.              Henry Noble Sep 2000